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• Couples Therapy Boulder • |
303-506-1880 |
Couples Therapy Boulder Co
Deciding to go to couples therapy or couples counseling can seem like a very big step (traditionally called marriage counseling). It involves being sober to the fact that things are not picture perfect in your relationship, which is often challenging to do and scary to come to grips with. And if you are not particularly familiar with what counseling is all about, it can feel daunting and overwhelming, not to mention it can involve considerable effort — finding an appropriate provider, figuring out insurance and other financial aspects of the commitment, coming up with a time to fit into everyone's schedule. Often, the idea of seeing a marriage therapist or couples therapist gets put off, with one or both parties thinking that it may be a good idea, but also feeling insecure in how to proceed — and of whether their specific problems can really be helped. To help clarify the process, we’ve identified some common thoughts/feelings/habits that can indicate that a couple could potentially benefit from couples counseling.
Indications that Couples Therapy may be a great option You have poor communication with one another Perhaps apparent conflict isn’t the issue, but you constantly feel misunderstood or neglected. Or maybe you feel like you don't even have a grip of what is happening with your partner emotionally lately; he or she seems like a complete stranger. Lots of the time, one of the most palpable outcomes of couples therapy is an improvement in communication, and a major increase in its quality. An able counselor can empower you with tools that will help you listen, understand, and connect with each other much better and more often. The breaking of trust One of the most common reasons for seeking couples counseling is the need for help in overcoming a significant abuse of trust. Perhaps it was an emotional affair; Perhaps it was unfaithfulness in the form of intercourse with another person; perhaps it was a series of deception or white lies about finances. Whatever the situation, the rebuilding of the base of trust can often be assisted by establishing an opportunity in which both people are free to express vulnerably, in a safe space. Emotional intimacy non existent or has nearly dwindled. Doesn’t it seem like a cliche for a couple to feel like the "spark" is gone after spending 5 + years together, and instead of being soul mates, feeling like roommates. Sometimes this is just because of the “tugs and pulls” of life have begun to overcome the ability to connect, and it's simply a matter of realigning your priorities. Other times, it can be more sneaky and represent a couple who have low key been growing apart, have been going in different directions for an extended period, or have even learned to get their needs met from other avenues. Complications when it comes to physical intimacy. Sexual issues can be both a symptom and a cause of relational conflict, which means it is often at the top of a couple's common complaints for each other. Sometimes the change is clear and discouraging — a couple goes from frequent sexual intercourse to nearly none. Other times, the stifle is subtle, from being satisfied by each other sexually to barely being fulfilled. Sometimes there is more obvious conflict, with one partner expressing frustration, sex being used as a bargaining tool, or one of the partners being rejected sexually. Whatever it may be, an able counselor can assist.
Dysfunction arises significantly during a conflict.
How a couple handles conflict is one of the best predictors of whether their relationship will go the distance (John Gottman method). Maybe one or both of you lashes out, shuts down, or gets passive aggressive or gets vengeful. Sadly, there is no shortfall of dysfunctional ways to approach conflict — which leads to make the original problem that much harder to identify and solve. Something is off, but you can't put your finger on it Couples counseling is useful not only for problem solving, but also for recognizing them (similar results can be benefited from individual counseling). Let's say something in the dynamic of your marriage has become different, but you can't really put your finger on it. Or you don't feel as secure with your partner as in times past. Or you find yourself constantly irritated by them, but you can’t pin point it. These are often initial signs that interactions are turning dysfunctional or abnormal. It does not mean that one person is at fault, but rather that the relationship itself could use a realignment, and couples counseling is often a very beneficial place to start that process. Bad patterns just seem to keep happening The amount of patterns that partners develop in everyday life are nearly unlimited, from sleeping and eating habits, to how much time is spent with others or apart, to who handles which responsibility and chore, to how they get along with each other's families. Maybe a dysfunctional pattern is as simple as one spouse always using the other as a sounding board to vent about work, but never showing care about the other, or without losing interest when they begin sharing. Or maybe it's an lingering frustration, like a disagreement of household chores that feels inequitable (or exasperating.) The longer a bad pattern lingers, however, the more time and energy it will take to change it. Best to speak to a couples therapist sooner than later. Cal
Arguments are getting more frequent. Have arguments and conflict become apart of your daily routine? Maybe they are all “little” disputes, or maybe the blowouts are intense and leaving a lot of drama as a result. Either way, it's the pattern of the increase that is significant to consider. Perhaps it is a "season of life", with one of you going through a tough situation personally. But it could also indicate a lead towards a path into constant arguing. More important, it could indicate significant unseen issues, that aren't really being addressed properly. There is something you want to express or share with your partner, but aren’t able. Sometimes the beauty of therapy starts with the environment: therapy can become a supportive and secure place for you to bring up things that are hard to talk about in other settings. A skilled relationship therapist with a warm presence can often help you defeat your fears of being open with your partner. Both or one of you have gone through a tragedy, that is changing the way you connect with each other. Sometimes the adding of insult to injury of a big setback in life is that it's not just the setback itself that hurts, but also the effect it has on a relationship. Many couples go their separate ways after the devastating loss of a loved one, for instance. Other times, it's a health issue, long-term unemployment, or chaos within one of the partner's extended family. You might not think of going to couples counseling during a big event is necessary; after all, you have enough troubles to deal with. But keeping your connection strong in your relationship can only help to unite you and give you supplemental strength to endure the hard situation that's come. Did you relate to anything above? Perhaps having a free 30 minute talk with one of our local Boulder Country therapists is a good start. We not only offer couples therapy programs but serve individuals and families. All of our therapist are trained to create action plans that are not pre-set or pre-made for each client, couple or family that we welcome. Rather our Boulder area therapists work in close compliance with everyone. They spend time with their clients participating in evidence based counseling (John Gottman method), they make an effort to become a part of their journey and consider everyone's personalities, nature and characteristics. Call today for a free 30 minute consultation. |
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